welcome 2

many dreams, not enough time

many dreams, not enough energy

many dreams, not enough supporters

many dreams, not realistic

many dreams, not going to happen

I’m not sure what to do with my dreams sometimes. I think I have many ideas. Small like a film project, or a huge one like a career like going on tour. But I wish had the passion to get all of these done and be able to live up to my dreams by doing everything. Sometimes, I wake up with the motivation to really start a project and get it done, some days I really just lay in bed until 2pm. Also, I feel like I have so many thoughts that overwhelm my brain that I really get so mentally tired and drained and that’s why I sleep. I like to be mindlessly thinking because most of the times, there’s like too much going on in my head. But it’s ok. I recently listened to Justin’s album and I love it so much. The lyrics, and just the emotions and the MLK Interlude is amazing. I wish people would like Justin more, despite his reputation. People are so quick to judge, even I’m so quick to judge. Though celebrities are a different type of “famous”, they get read and judged so fast by the media and feels bad. Justin deserves a lot of love and I feel like over the years, He has matured so much. #proud

I started writing about dreams, but now I’ve moved on lolol. Do people truly love me? I bet they do because they choose to hang out with me. They wouldn’t if they found me annoying right? I feel that I am toxic sometimes. I get my head in places that I shouldn’t, but I do. I need to really take a step back I feel like and just sit down. I need to like stop talking and like have people do things. I just recently had a birthday party and I don’t know why I couldn’t just enjoy it. Why I struggled so much with just enjoying it. Not even the party part, but just like my birthday in general. I appreciate the gifts and thoughts and everything so much. I wish I could show how much I love my friends and how much they’ve changed my life. Really. I felt really loved and I do feel so loved. Sometimes I have expectations for people to wish me a happy birthday, or getting a happy birthday from one person would feel so nice, and make me feel very happy. I sad, but it’s ok. Positive outlook and only looking up. I think I’m sadder than people see me to be, but it’s a good thing that it’s like that. But when am I gonna keep piling until it explodes? When is it gonna explode and overflow? I don’t know. Maybe that day with come one day? I think I’m just numb at this point. Seriously, I’m just crazily numb but I don’t care..

Hm. Spring break is coming. I’m excited, but I feel like many people are going to hang out without me or I’m just not going to have a fun one because I’ll get FOMO or I’ll just be at home. I also think another reason I’m hesitant to hang out is money issues. I don’t get it, but I already feel stressed with money. I hate money, I feel so broke and useless sometimes. But today, I had fun with someone. Sometimes I like keeping a lot of my things personal. Not that I feel like I’m secretive, but it’s like a new side/ something that I can keep to myself. I keep feeling the need to distance myself from everyone, and I keep thinking about the happy me and I do miss her. I am still so happy today, and I feel so happy do not worry, but I feel like there was a time where I was like satisfied? Or more like stress-free. Not the type to stress ngl, but I don’t know. Maybe it is school season, or its the little things that tick me off, but I don’t know when it’ll stop piling or things like that. and I don’t want to share too. I like spending time alone honestly, I feel like it’s something. It’s valuable and I don’t find energy in it, but it’s peaceful and it makes me lazy. I can just lay in bed. I do think of my dream vacation to be a place where I can mindlessly rest with the people I love. Also, priorities are definitely shifting.

with love, christine