welcome 2

I feel like I’ve always been a gatekeeper, but just recently I think I tried to figure out reasons of why I actually gatekeep. Also, I get so much hate on being a gatekeeper, so this one is for your my haters. And if you still don’t understand, maybe that’s something you should ask for yourself of why you do not understand.

Cambridge Dictionary defines gatekeeping as “to restrict, control, or withhold access to information, resources, or opportunities to maintain exclusivity or power over a group“. One of Urban Dictionary’s definitions is Gatekeeping is to make your interests exclusive in order to protect them from becoming ‘mainstream’”.

I’m laughing at these definitions honesty. First one makes me sound like uhh… billionaire? Reminds me of Columbus? Yikes!

#1. From what I’ve gathered, I think my tendency to gatekeep is actually from the roots of colonialism and how things has been taken away from me and my culture. From an early age, a lot of Asian American kids had to deny their own cultural background because of how it was seen as ‘less-than’ or ‘othered’. I went to a predominantly white school all my life, and I definitely had made the connection of how my parents being 1st generation immigrants was actually not cool. Speaking a different language with my parents at school was weird. Eating Korean food at lunch, and not a PB&J was gross! I had to deny my own cultural background, and practically told myself that this is what I did not want. Obviously, I was insecure about these things, but hey! I was a child, what the hell did I know? Also, all these kids had made me feel this way.

Now looking back, I wished that I had stood my ground and was proud of my heritage. I wish that I ate my lunch loudly, knwoing that I was soooo lucky to have a warm bowl of rice for lunch! Heckkkkk no was I thankful back in the day. Anyways,

I had to deny all of these things of my cultural background. Now in 2026, a lot of cultural things from East Asian countries are “trending”. (Our cultures are not a trend! AND our culture is not defined by just our food, music, and media. But that is another topic for later). K-pop is one of the biggest industries recognized by the United States, and also by the people around me. Korean food is something that is delicious and people want to eat it. lol! Asian owned coffee shops specifically in the Orange County is valued and seeked out. I think I am so bad at writing ngl… but I guess I’m still gonna keep going. Ok. But you see the pattern? White people have made it a ‘trend’, something that is now ‘mainstream’, something to make money off of. A status symbol almost. So yeah, I want to keep what I have now as sacred. It’s for me.

My culture is not that at all. And obviously, I feel soooo bitter that white kids were the ones to make me feel this way, othered and less-than for my culture. And now currently, they are acting like it’s a new discovery. Something that they get to decide what is cool, new, delicious, different, etc. Maybe this whiplash is actually the reason why I gatekeep. Why what I’ve researched and been carefully intentional about is something that I like to hide and love in private. Because white people just take and try to make it ‘ mainstream’. God I hate mainstream, even that word I’m like what the fuck. Anyways, have you seen the history of colonialism? They easily take what I have and try to make it their own, rather than acknowledging that what they are taking requires more intentionally, learning, and it’s frankly just not about them.

#2. Another reason why I’m a gatekeeper, is that I swear no one knows how to give credit where it’s due anymore. We’re all about sharing and being a part of a community when all you do is take, rather than share. What do you bring to the table? What is it that you have to share with your people? And it’s okay to take, but can we give credit where it’s due? Did you do the work in discovering that? Even from the beginning of America, did anyone give any recognition to the people who had taken care and listened to the land before we got here?

I’m all about community. I think that sharing and giving is a responsibilty that one has in being a part of a community. But frankly, I believe that recognition is important. Credibility is important. Furthermore, I think all of this deepens trust and community. Giving credit where it’s due actually furthers connection and collaboration. And it is this deep. To be honest, it is this deep. It’s deep to the point that if I share a restaurant with you and it’s your favorite restaurant, I deserve that credit. Ok. Because I probably didn’t just hand that restaurant to you because whatever. I probably gave it to you because I thought about it. I put some intentionally behind it. Sorry that I care! My favorites are not things that I just add to my list carelessly. I honestly think that I put a lot of work in making something my thing. There is a reason why that I like the different places, things, people, concepts, etc. (Another topic I want to write about is like social media ruining identity). I think that these likes and favorites are a part of who I am! I would like to wear these places, things, people, concepts on my sleeve. It’s important to me. Maybe not for you, and we can get into that sure.

For example, Creaminal is an ice-cream pop-up shop in Santa Barbara in which I just love. Shoutout Ella Q for letting me into this world. But during my time in Santa Barbara in btw has literally no Asian markets. The closest ‘Asian market’ is World Market soo are you like understanding? Again, predominantly white school so I was major parched to see some culture in SB. Some diversity if you will. And creaminal, Saturday @nighttime would be the one place in which I would see alllllll this diversity. And eat ice cream flavors that were so nostalgic (& good btw). They were Asian-inspired flavors like a dream. So magical. Anyways, I gatekept that place throughout my time at school. I treated that place like it was truly a different place. A place in which diversity felt celebrated and honored. Now imagine if that place was not gatekept, and half the school in which probably hate diversity came through those doors, proclaiming that this was now their favorite place. Are you kinda understanding? It’s like you people don’t even know / grasp the meaning of Creaminal for people. For me.

Sometimes I go somewhere with friends (that I try to gatekeep), and there’ll be a long line. And someone funny would say sarcastically, “Wow Christine, you really gatekept this place well!” And I’ll laugh… it off…. Now obviously, I want this place to do well! I love that people love it, but I think for me, it’s like the people in the line probably like the same niche things for them to end up here. It’s not just something ‘mainstream’, rather it took more work and again, intentionally, to find it and to love it. Only maybe the people that love bread as much I do would stand in a line for an hour for bread. Only the people that love bread as much as I do would find this place in the first place. That to me feels more meaningful, rather something that is flippant. I also think that maybe the owners would appreciate that their business means something more, rather than just a ‘trend’. Ugh again, with the trends. So over it, how do I get out? So yeah.

Some ending statements:

• I feel scared to upload this one because maybe sometimes I still think that my tendency to gatekeep is invalid. But I’m still trying to figure out the reason why I’m writing. Is it for validation? Is it for more understanding? To feel known? I think maybe this answer might make me feel more secure in my thoughts/feelings.
• If you’re a white person feeling offended or uncomfortable by this writing, I hope that you explore that feeling. I wonder why you feel that way and maybe can figure that out for yourself. I don’t even know why I’m writing this because it does feel like maybe I’m being too nice…
• Are there any gatekeepers out there? I think we should stop shaming people for wanting privacy and to keep things for themselves. More respect to those that leave things for themselves, and don’t feel that e everything has to be shared. Maybe the world/social media world is telling us that we have to share everything for it be true. Like people have to know about it, for it to be true. I’m not sure.